SAVE YOURSELF, SIS

My dad was wack. A few addictions and a proclivity towards selfishness assured he wouldn’t and couldn’t be anything other than that. He fit all the typical deadbeat criteria: missing all important events, not showing for scheduled pickups, failure to pay child support, a general disinterest in my life, etc… Once during a car ride home, he told me he would quit his job before he’d give my mother money to care for me. I was about 10 years old. Suffice it to say, he was not my favorite person.

As I got into my teen years and even into my young adult years, I distanced myself to avoid more abuse. Some family members would see the damaging vile things he would do, shrug, then tell me I shouldn’t “act that way” because he was “still my father”.

Nah.

They insisted no matter what he did, I should respect him and accept whatever he had to offer whenever he felt like offering it. Even he occasionally tried to guilt me about the barrier between us. He liked to talk to me as if I was missing out on some great relationship by communicating with him sparingly.  

Nuh uh.

People can be so quick to throw someone else to the wolves without ever considering how much it hurts to be wolf feed. Those people don’t understand others aren’t required to be “the bigger person”. The only thing one has to do when it comes to a harmful relative is whatever makes for restful sleep, whatever keeps the skin clear, and whatever keeps the heart happy.

The smartest thing I ever did for my emotional wellbeing was let that man know how I felt about his actions and/or lack of action. The second smartest thing I did was distance myself from it so I could focus on my dealing and healing. Don’t let folks who aren’t in your shoes vilify you for choosing yourself over a relationship that hurts you. These same people would advise you to leave a significant other who beats you while insisting you keep talking to a parent who is causing the same kind of damage. Those aren’t your people.

And trust me, you’ll be fine. It isn’t your responsibility to pick up the slack of a parent who can’t be bothered to love you the way you need. You deserve at least that much.