WHAT'S GOOD?

There are songs about it, memes a’plenty, articles, and conversations on social media, in person, from pulpits, and even in classrooms. It’s almost like there is an obsession about what makes a good woman or a good man. Church, society, friends, and family all have bearing on how we define a good man or a good woman. But maybe we should rethink those definitions.

Growing up in church, I was taught a good man fears God, loves his mother, and loves his wife just a little bit more. In conversations with other women, I am told a good man is empathetic, involved, ever evolving, protective but not controlling, and understanding. From some men who fancy themselves good guys, I’ve heard men work hard, provide material goods, and spend time with their children.

The definitions for a good woman differ from those for men, but there is still a blueprint in most people’s minds about what good women do. Church told me they are supportive, compassionate, loving, and submissive to their “good men”. Women tell me the good among us are smart, independent, protective, unapologetically sexual, ambitious, and sure of themselves. Like church, many men I know think good women are cheerleaders for their men, hardworking but not so much that a man feels left behind, conservative in appearance, and not influenced by the women of the world who seem “too free”.

All these ideas exist and so many men and women are trying to breathe and contort to fit into whatever definition they’ve been socialized to see as their goodness box. Folks are second guessing their clothing choices, career options, food intake, taste in music, etc…to be viewed as good. And in all this bending, stretching, and sometimes, constricting – I wonder if we have it wrong.

Maybe, instead of obsessing over how to be a good man or good woman, we should raise children and resolve as adults to simply be good people, sex notwithstanding. What if we all focused on being compassionate, kind, protective of who and what matters most to us, thoughtful, ever growing, responsible, etc…? What if we took sex and gender out of the conversation and instead put the effort into evolving as people? How much doper would we be if we stopped letting our sex assignation at birth dictate the personality attributes we should have?

Much of what we expect out of men and women are good qualities for any person to have. Imagine if we changed the game by raising good people without worrying about raising “a good woman” or “a good man” instead. If the folks who raised us simply poured everything great they could into us without restrictions based on sex, we would be more well-rounded, more self-assured, and better prepared for the world. I’m not looking to be a good woman. I am a good person and that beats just being a good woman any day.